Lately

It has been awhile since I had time (or brain) to blog. I have been working, and doing school, and taking care of sick family (the bad kind of sick), and enjoying Facebook, and buying a new car and surviving the influx of in-laws for Thanksgiving.
And I am well, though tired. Overwhelmed often with what must be accomplished in never enough time. Thinking fondly of friends, while missing them terribly. Not really enjoying the town to which I have moved (idiots, all inbred idiots).
Went to Declan's Christmas concert at school yesterday - and it was cute. Why are my kids the ones who always want to play social hour during performances, and pull their shirts over their heads, and never know the words? I wasn't like that as a kid. Pretty sure Nick wasn't either. So I sit in the audience, wondering that, but loving their spontaneity and free spirits. Sitting next to my husband who just seethes and boils over it. Whatever.
Well, Christmas is about 3 weeks away and I am not even thinking in the right direction. It kind of bugs me too. Why do I have to buy for people who have too much, for people I am not that fond of, for people who always give me crappy gifts, for people who never give me anything...?
and fight the crowds, and again after Christmas for returns...
I want to spend my Christmas at home, with only my family and not drive in traffic, and not cook an 'assignment', and not get dressed up.
Cozy flannel 'jammies, cup of coffee, good book, kids playing happily with whatever they wanted, fire going, cat purring happily on my lap, another snugin' in the crook of my knees. That is what I want for Christmas.
Maybe next year...

Happy

I complain alot, grumble and gripe mostly. You would think I was a deeply unhappy person, unsetttled, dying for change. Miserable.
Truth be told - I am generally happy. Just because I grumble doesn't mean it is all untenable for me. I am not teetering on the edge of suicide. If I were honest and cheerful about all I am happy and thankful for - people would likely slap me.
Life is hard - I love a challenge. My kids are needy, atttention hogs - I adore them and thrive on their need of me. Work is demanding, draining - I love the challenging puzzle to make it work well.
The simplest things make my heart sing.
Watching the pure angelic look on my 5 year old's normally animated face as he is sleeping.
The wonderful feel of either of my cat's fur and wonderful thrum of their purrs.
Crisp autumn air.
Cool misty rain.
Bright and brilliant stars.
The amazing coloration of autumn leaves.
Seeing an eagle soaring free and wild overhead.
The warm fragrance of home that greets me as I walk in the door at the end of a long day.
Seeing a friends face after many years, recognizing the youth I once knew, recognizing the years we have all weathered reflected in their faces, recognizing the friend. Friends are amazing. People we don't have to like -but we do. We adore their company, seek their conversation, welcome their calls and their visits.
A soft warm bed, with fresh sheets and new pillows.
Candy.
Chocolate.
A quad shot, non-fat (better foam) no-whip, with foam, intense dark chocolate mocha valencia at Tully's.
I could go on all night. But the truth is, most of us experience at least one of these things every day. I savor those moments, those experiences. I taste it like it is my first time, like it is my last time. I pause to take it all in. I pull the car over to watch, in stunned silence (unless it's the Blue Angels - then there are a bunch of high pitched Oo, oo, oo's) I allow myself, abandon myself to these simple innocent pleasures.
And I don't feel guilty for grumbling ever.

Too much

I am certifiable.
Married.
2 kids.
2 cats.
1 dog.
1 hamster.
1 full time job.
20 hours or more overtime a week.
1 child in sports.
45 mile commute - each way
1 college course (5 credit hours)
1 Facebook addiction
1 Blog
= insanity/no sleep

Weekends

I love the fact that a weekend is an open slate. You get to do whatever you want.
Go out to breakfast, or sleep in or both. Do nothing. At all. NOTHING.
Blog - play - cook -clean - eat - shop - call friends - go to a movie - rent a ton of movies and watch them all at one time while eating junk food - go to the zoo visit friends - read a book - geocache - not work - go to the aquarium, in Canada - play Sims - talk to my children - go to the toy store (the really good one) - listen to 'Raffi' - drive.
Love weekends.
(still hate the dentist though)

Things I hate

***Warning - Penny is 'one big hate ball' ***

I hate going to the dentist. I hate the anxiety I feel before I go to the dentist. I hate the fact that I have to wear a bib when I am there. I hate the way the dentist takes a needle and jams it around in my gum - more than once. Again, and again, and again. I hate dental dams. I hate not having the dental dam even more. I hate the ice cold water they squirt on your raw nerves. I hate the sound of the drill. I hate the vibration of the drill that hits every nerve in your body. I hate how the dentist tries to chat to you, with all the crap in your mouth, and Novocaine in your gums. I hate how they tell you to bite and ask you how that feels - they know you can't fell anything - what are you supposed to say? I hate how you bite your tongue, but don't know it. I hate how the soup -that is all you can eat later - dribbles down your chin.

Moving on...

I hate tailgaters.
I hate people with really big trucks and really bright lights who tailgate pathetic little Neons in the dark of the morning commute, blinding her and making it nearly impossible to drive.
I hate suck-ups.
I hate fakes.
I hate sexism.
I hate being fat.
I hate flying.
I hate child molesters (think they need to die).
I hate crooked cops.
I hate gristle.
I hate work and family politics.
I hate people who take everything very seriously.
I hate mean people.
I hate arrogance.
I hate it when people don't set limits.
I hate snobs.
I hate people who think they are better.
I hate getting older.
I hate the thought of having to wear diapers when I am older.
I hate second rate work.
I hate spiders.
I hate moving.
I hate paper cuts
I hate failing vision.
I hate death.
I hate throwing up.
I hate cleaning up throw up.
I hate violent video games.
I hate lazy people who live off the system.
I hate mispronunciations.
I hate poor grammar.
I hate political correctness.
I hate sock balls.
I hate when people hork up loogies and spit them on the ground.
I hate the 'anti-vaccine' idiocy plaguing ignorant parents.
I hate traffic.
I hate when the cat gets pissed off at you and pees on your quilt, so you have to buy a new one.
I hate dog slobber.
I hate slugs and their slime.
I hate when you step in dog poo.
I hate the feeling of walking into a spider web.
I hate crying when I am mad.

I was at the dentist today - I got 2 temporary crowns put in. I got 4 shots. I was there for 3 hours. I drooled on myself. That is why I am such a 'hate ball' (that is Ceara's phrase to describe me).

I will work on a 'things I love list' when I am feeling better...

What do you do?

Ever had that feeling that you were the subject of gossip? You see acquaintances and they give you funny looks, friends abruptly stop talking when you come near, your phone quits ringing.

Now, I suppose if you had gotten blitheringly drunk and danced naked in the church hall; or got pregnant from having a rather public affair with your best friend's husband; or were arrested for some awful crime, you might expect that to happen.
But, what about when you haven't done anything...? What happens when you see the signs that someone is talking about you, but you can't imagine what they would be saying. What would you do? What if you don't even know who would have started the gossip, you are just seeing the effects. Or for that matter why anyone would want to start rumors about you? (personally speaking - I am a boring subject matter)
What then? Do you walk away? Do you dive in and start searching for answers? Do you let time take care of it?
Do you spend a lot of time wondering why nobody in your circle of friends and acquaintances would have the integrity to tell you or question you with what is being said?
Or do you just chalk it up to paranoia? Assume folks are talking about someone else? Not sharing with you because they know you would call them out on being a nasty rumor spreading twits?
That leads me to another 'what if?'. What if you see something that is scandalous - could ruin lives, marriages, careers? Do you confront, tell, gossip, go to the grave with it? What would you do?
Here are some 'what if's to get your brain going...
What if you see an upstanding member of your - married with kids - picking up a hooker? What if you are really good friends with his wife?
What if you hear a phone conversation at work where the coworker is asking some other coworker if the money they received is really ok? Then they go on to ask how to make it look ok on their taxes? and then they are laughing in disbelief at how much money it was?
What if you know of a person's serious addictive behavior (gambling, drugs, illicit sex) that their family hasn't got a clue about, and they are talking to you about how deep they are in trouble?(loan sharks, missing work to go do drugs, having unprotected sex with anonymous partners) You see that they are close to 'losing it all' and likely taking loved ones with them.

What do you do?

Spiders

I hate spiders. Little ones, not so much. It is the giant creepy hairy ones that move really quickly and look like they could eat you much like my husband eats ribs...
And we have them in our house.
The huge ones.
And that isn't all. These are the kind that are venomous. - of course all spiders are venomous - but these have necrotizing venom. The kind that eat your skin away.

When we moved in, one showed himself in the downstairs bathroom. The teen in the house is scarred for life and now will only use the upstairs bathroom - even though only one has been spotted in her bathroom, and the upstairs has 3 confirmed kills.

So, researched, captured, killed and researched some more. You have to know whether the spiders are friend or foe. If they are friend, they do a much better job than anything at killing bugs. But if they are foe - and threaten my family - they must die.

Then we bought the HOBO traps at Home Depot. Baited with special girly Hobo Spider scent. Days went by, almost a week. No spiders. DH swore they weren't Hobos, but the harmless, bug killing hairy house spiders.

WELL - today we have 2 of the lovelorn but dead fellows trapped in the traps. And the teen has a bit on her thigh. Hope it doesn't eat her leg away...

Stay tuned - now the DH is talking fumigation. I hate poison. What will win - hate of spiders or poison?

YUK.

Geocaching and Letterboxing

Recently I have been interested in geocaching and letterboxing. Today we actually followed thru on that impetus and went on a hunt. It was pretty simple to find - we didn't go far from home and we opted for letterboxing, since I wouldn't have to find out how to use DH's GPSr in order to do it either.
So you just go online to a site, find clues to the letterbox site, and then off you go. One the websites you can use different search criteria - we just searched in out county and found something close to home. When you letterbox, you find a cache that has a log book and a stamp. You sign the log book, stamp it with your own unique stamp. In addition, you bring your own log book and stamp it with the stamp you find in the cache. You note the date and location also.
The fun of it - is that there are only clues to find the cache - so you have to be a little canny. Also, you are supposed to be covert. I found that to be a bit of challenge today - what with the crazy 5 year old boy (known for being quiet - not so much) and the 'you can pick her out in a crowd' sullen looking Goth 13 year old in her giant Goth boots.
In general it was fun - rainy, but in the NW why would that stop us - and I think we will do it again.
In fact, I think I could get hooked on this as a family pastime.

Emotional Resiliance

Work had a survey today - what do you do to retain your emotional resilience. The fact that they even ask it, means that somewhere someone has gone off the deep end and they know they have been working us too hard. We are working too many hours and experiencing a lot of frustration. We have been doing so since June 2006 - some folks even longer.
At my height - which I hope to never return - was an 18 hour day. Couple that with a 2 hour commute (1 hr each way) and you have a mental patient. I have known others to do more - pull all nighters. These aren't isolated - they are banked in a steady stream of 14 and 16 hour days - no weekend breaks either. From New Years thru Memorial Day I had about 5 days off - total.
I don't mind 'giving it all' and getting a job completed by extraordinary efforts. It is exhilarating and something to be proud of. But to labor at extraordinary hours, super effort and sacrificing family, friends, sleep, down time, laundry, housekeeping, chores, school, social gatherings and countless other things I am too tired to remember... for no achievement, no end, no promotion, no kudos, no sense of accomplishment... well, it bugs me.
Don't get me wrong - I love my job, love being employed, am excited about the role I play in bringing a brand new airplane to market, have a deep sense of pride in the company I work for, but I know it is not my sole purpose in life. It needs to be in perspective. My purpose in life has more to do with the lives I shape and the humans I love and love me back.
I have to also (of course, you know me) go deeper and ask the 'hard' questions. How many of my golden years am I burning in the flame of the candle that I am burning at both ends to work the late hours? How much closeness and memories and cherished times with my loved ones am I selling to Boeing for overtime hours? How much of a toll is this secretly and silently taking on my health? Will my face ever recover from looking so tired? The pounds added by sitting, and sitting, and sitting, and sitting - will they ever leave? What about the stress and pressure at work - what is that doing to my brain, my heart, my veins, my mind...?
Will Hawaii - in January - remove any of the stress? How long will it take for it to come back?
Is there a positive spin? I think so - lovely new home, buying what we need when we need it, paying bills on time, health insurance, sports fees and supplies, vacations - a new car soon - hopefully.
But sometimes I miss my family.
And they told us today to plan on working thru the holidays. Again.
So - how do I keep my emotional resilience?
Well, I am open for suggestions!

A New Home

Here is the house - I have talked about so much. Feel free to post comments, questions etc.
Open invitation to friends - for now you will have to excuse boxes!
The photos here were taken by the people we bought from - it is their wonderful and tasteful furniture you see. We are still working on furnishing and unpacking.

View looking North - you are looking at Whidbey Island across the water.


View looking East - more Whidbey Island

Front of the house

This is the West side of the yard
Also the West side - looking up/South
The garage and the View






The front yard - major low maintenance





East yard looking up/South
this is the back - two decks
The outside entryway
Interior entryway - office entry - french doors on the right

Office - fellow we bought from is a fireman

Living room with nice gas fireplace Fireplace

Master bedroom My favorite - the jetted soaking tub - and the extra large shower alongside - what you don't see is the huge walk in closet to the left





Downstairs - family room - the room is huge...doesn't seem so in the photo

downstairs bathroom - has a huge shower
This room is Declan's now - The 'public' bathroom.
The community boat launch and beach access.

Kitchen sink - I love the wood in this home

Dining area - wish we could agree on a table - we still don't have one here - this is just open space for us.

kitchen and eating bar. the space above the cabinets has lights and sockets for decorations - so you see the recessed lighting - there are button type lights as well, that rest on the top of the cabinets - I am going to have fun with that at Christmas... all gas appliances also

Re-Connected

I finally got my connection to the world back. I have been without Internet access since we moved out of the old house. Sure, I have it at work - but I am also sharing a desk at work. So I can't use that to do anything private like pay bills, or shop.
Didn't realize how completely dependent on the Internet I am. I am so challenged when it comes to using 'traditional' methods to look things up. Phone book? No - Dex! Dictionary? No - Webster's online dictionary (it totally rocks).
Well - I have a teenager glaring over my shoulder - not having email access has had its effects on her too.

Random Friday Thoughts

I just returned from Houston. I was there for a reunion. Not a family reunion or a high school reunion. This was a reunion of people who used to live in Tripoli, Libya. If you don't know where that is, or the political ramifications of living in a 'forbidden' country - well you should pay better attention to the news and know your geography better.
For the first time in about 25 years, I reconnect with old friends. To say the least it was wonderful.
And weird.
I am planning to attend again in 2 years.
I am also going to see if I can reconnect with friends I knew in Marsa Brega. Challenge is how.

Work is driving me nuts.

Waiting to move is driving me nuts.

Being fat is driving me nuts.

More random crap at a later date.