Time

So, about 3 years later I decide to post again - to nobody, or anybody. Just for the sake of writing. Most everything in life has changed.
Divorce is final, starting a new job, living in a new house.
I am still trotting thru it all undaunted, most of the time.
I am officially 'in a relationship' but still pondering the nuances of what that means and where it will take me.
My kids are older, seem to be weathering the 'child of divorce' fairly well - though only time will tell. There is a guarantee that divorce changes children, the risk is in how it will change them. Daily it changes.
My mother passed away - I don't expect to recover from that. It still knocks me over, levels me. I was left with an undeniably real feeling that there was no longer anyone on this planet who loved me as wholly, strongly and reliably. Or perhaps at all. The need for her has not gone away - nor been replaced. I haven't found her type of love and wisdom in anyone. I regret that my children didn't know her. That is something I should not have allowed my ex to steal from us all. And I hear her voice echo in my head - move on, pick yourself up, don't dwell on your mistakes.
The country of my childhood has deposed its evil dictator. Violently. The country is reborn and yet to come to grips with 'who' it will become. We who lived there, knit together by strands of text and memories on FaceBook, wait and watch with hope. Perhaps against hope.
I did a triathlon - it was hard, and now I know I can do it. I also know I could do it better, not sure if I will take that challenge up or not...
I am genuinely hating my age. Specifically, the number. What it is and howI feel are so grossly divergent I just end up hating the number.
I am currently 'working on' my spirituality in a very cerebral way. Only how I want to think about it - not at the point of action at all. I have a lot of grist for the mill.
I am trying also to reconcile a work situation that is in the past, but perplexes me and might have life altering implications. At the heart of it - am I a terrible person at work? Or, was I more a victim of one or two really horrible people? Both options might be true, might be untrue. If true, both would require alot of 'what to do' musings and ultimately behavior changes.
Generally though, life is good. Despite my whining, musings and deep terrible thinking.